Olivia Cabane: The Charisma Myth
Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of sentences.
Reduce how quickly and often you nod.
Pause for 2 full seconds before you speak. (Allow yourself to take their full statement into consideration)
If zoning out, focus on physical sensations to bring yourself back to the moment, such as the feeling in your hands.
Create strong positive associations: produce positive feelings because they will be associated with you. Highlight what people do right.
Use the full power of images.
If you were told the number of deaths caused by smoking each year, you’d forget it.
If you were told the figure was equal to three fully loaded Boeing 747 planes crashing into the earth every day for a year, with no survivors, you’d remember the image.
Generate images and speak in pictures- images are the brain’s language
Incorporate visual metaphors for positive concepts.
Use phrases like “We’ll take care of it.” “Call anytime” instead of “Don’t worry” or “No problem”
Use variations in gesture amplitude
Broadcast your voice
Voice can be:
- Pitch (high or low)
- Volume (loud or quiet)
- Tone (resonant or hollow)
- Tempo (fast or slow)
- Rhythm (fluid or staccato)
You want a low, resonant, baritone voice with slow tempo and frequent pauses to convey confidence.
Charisma has 3 core elements:
- Presence
If you’re not fully present in an interaction, there’s a good chance your eyes will glaze over or that your facial reactions will be a split-second delayed.
Being present means having moment-to-moment awareness of what’s happening.
Focus on your breath or your toes for a second, then get back to focusing on the other person.
- Power
Power is being perceived as able to affect the world around us.
We look for clues of power in appearance, other’s reaction to the person, and the person’s body language.
- Warmth
Warmth is goodwill toward others: caring or willing to impact our world in a positive way.
When you first meet someone, you use body language clues for warmth that come from your mindset of “I understand how you feel, and I wish you well”
A prerequisite is having self-compassion: having warmth for ourselves, especially when going through an uncomfortable experience. Accept yourself as you are, right now, at this stage of growth, imperfections and all. For this phase of growth you are perfect. Understand that some things are unlucky. Forgive yourself. Don’t criticize.
Interesting: someone who projects warmth but not power comes off as overeager or desperate to please.
Strong internal skills are a new area
Individuals with strong internal skills are aware of exactly what is happening inside and know how to handle it.
They can recognize when their self-confidence has taken a hit and have the to get back into a confident state.
Remove barriers to internal skills
How to deal with Physical factors
1. Recognize
If the meeting is very early for members in a time zone - recognize that they may be fatigued
Recognize if your face is tense because this is very important to you
Recognize that this feeling is a normal part of the human experience
2. Remedy
Ask them to infuse energy because... this is important, this will make their life easier, etc.
Understand that they may appear less enthusiastic but it is because of a long day, not a lack of enthusiasm in your ideas.
Do something about it. Alleviate the physical discomfort if possible. Voice that you recognize it at least.
How to deal with uncertainty:
Responsibility transfer
Your mind can’t tell fact from fiction. Your heart races during a horror movie even though you consciously know it is just a movie. Your mouth waters when you think of a lemon.
“To know oneself is wisdom”
Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu
Types of charisma:
Focus charisma - introverts excel at
Introverts are fully focused and present.
You can feel the intensity of their attention.
His nonverbal body language makes you feel completely listened to and understood.
People are drawn to you and want to hear what you have to say.
He holds you in high regard and values your opinion.
Visionary charisma -
Makes people feel inspired and believe
He speaks with conviction and passion.
He eliminates uncertainty (which we are naturally uncomfortable with)
He is in the process of changing the world.
He feels strongly about his vision and has the power to bring it into reality.
He promises a better world.
His message is important and delivered effectively (his tone of voice is very important)
Kindness charisma -
He connects with people’s hearts, and makes them feel welcomed, cherished, embraced, and, most of all, completely accepted.
This charisma comes from your eyes.
Authority charisma -
The human reaction to authority runs deep, it is hardwired in our brains.
This charisma comes from the belief that this person has the power to affect our world.
He has confident body language.
His appearance signals high status.
Others react to him in ways that show respect, authority, and good judgement.
People like people who like them.
When you first meet someone, be happy to see them. Remember they are just like you, “we are of one blood”, same background, same feelings, etc.