Toastmasters: Book of Body Language
Body language is like the written language. You have to use context.
Each gesture is like a single word and one word may have several different meanings.
It’s only when you put a word in a sentence that you can fully understand its meaning.
A body language cluster needs at least three words in it before you can accurately define the words.
Hidden palms says “I don’t wish to speak!”—hands in pockets, hand busy with a flurry of activities while mustering an excuse
When someone is giving honest reasons for something or being open, they usually show their palms.
The downward facing palm projects power and authority.
It is used for giving orders where little room exists for discussion.
Squeezing the thumb against the fingertips creates an ok gesture which can make the audience perceive you as focused and goal oriented.
The hand chop can be used to indicate decisiveness and create emphasis.
Releasing internal energy—drumming fingers, touching face, tapping pen—are displacement activities, this means they are bored, frustrated, or want to take action.
Ask: “what are you thinking right now?”
Social leverage in handshakes/daps
If one leader is stronger than the other, his hand will finish above the other hand (in the upper hand position).
Both hands vertical creates a feeling of equality and mutual respect.
Disarming a power handshake:
In photos, you want the left side.
Stand on the person’s right so you have the power play.
An evolutionary difference is that mens arms rotate inward (to aim and throw more accurately) and women’s arms rotate outward (to stably carry babies).
Women around men they find attractive keep their arms open, they fold their arms across their breasts around unattractive men.
Use hand gestures. People who “talk” with their hands tend to be viewed as warm, agreeable, and energetic.
Steepled hands means confidence.
If you want to project superiority, put your hands behind your back and grip one hand with the other.
The higher up, the more insecure, grip your wrist, or your forearm, and you’re holding yourself back.
Interesting:
Arms folded with thumbs pointing up projects closed and superior.
Ear pull = I don’t like what I’m hearing
Neck scratch = I’m not sure I agree
Rubbing or scratching at the collar or the nose might signal lying.
LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYE.
It makes girls attracted to you and guys respect you.
For interviews, look them in the eye when you greet them and shake their hand. Then give a two-three second break for them to look you over while you do something—fix your papers, hang up your jacket, whatever. This makes the interview much more comfortable and adds up to a better outcome in sales results.
Use the power lift in presentation. Direct attention with a pen. Point to your presentation while you say it, then lift the pen from the presentation and hold it between you two so they can refocus on what you’re saying.
Nodding is a sign of respect or deference.
In a conversation, slow nodding communicates that you are listening and interested. Fast nodding tells the speaker that you want a turn to speak.
Head nodding creates rapport.
Women signal that they are attracted to you through body language—then you have to approach.
They expose their wrists or neck to appear vulnerable.
They make eye contact or smile.
They push out their lips or wet them.
They tilt their head.
High status people “keep their cool”
They reveal as little emotions as possible. When james bond was confronted by the secret service, he remained relatively motionless and spoke in short, monotone sentences.
Keep your elbows out.