Robert Greene: The Laws of Human Nature

Why are the laws important? 

The laws will allow you to react to others not with emotion but with the desire to understand where their behavior might come from. 

You will become more tolerant as you become less likely to judge and instead accept their flaws as part of human nature. 

Also, you will be more cognizant of the cues that people continually emit, making you a better judge of their character. 

You will be able to motivate and influence more easily. 

You will be able to understand the permeating power of human nature deep within you, giving the power to alter your own negative patterns. 

The most common emotion is the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain. 

This pleasure principle in thinking is the source of all of our mental biases. 

Confirmation bias - we tend to find evidence that confirms what we want to believe. 

Conviction bias - I believe in this idea so strongly. It must be true. 

The blame bias - mistakes and failures elicit the need to explain. Our natural response is to blame others, circumstances, or a momentary lapse of judgement. 

Superiority bias - I’m different. I’m more rational than others, more ethical as well. 

We cannot seem to see our faults and irrationalities, only those of others. 

Each person, no matter how twisted, has a reason for what they’ve become, a logic that makes sense to them. 

In their own way, they are striving for fulfillment, but irrationally. 

By stepping back and imagining their story, you will pity and not hate. 

The rider and the horse. 

The horse is our emotional nature continually impelling us to move. 

The rider is our thinking self. 

The one without the other is useless. Without the rider, no directed movement or purpose, the horse is continually headed into trouble. Without the horse, no energy, no power, no drive. 

In most people the horse dominates, the rider is weak. 

The rider and horse must work together. 

We must consider our actions beforehand. But once we decide what to do we loosen the reins and enter action with boldness and energy. 

Deep Narcissists lack a coherent/strong sense of self. They don’t have the self image to love them and derive self esteem from. 

You can recognize deep narcissists by following their behavior patterns: 

If they are ever insulted or challenged, they have no defense, they generally react with great rage, righteousness, insecurity. 

Almost everything is taken personally. 

They display extreme self-confidence to gain attention and cover their naked emptiness. 

When it comes to other people in their lives, they see others as extensions of themselves, self-objects. People exist as instruments of validation and attention, their desire is to control them like objects. 

Narcissists will entangle you and make you feel guilty if you are not continually paying attention to them. 

Bottom line: we all exist on the spectrum of self-absorption and are all narcissists to an extent. 

Begin to make the transformation into healthy narcissist. 

They have a stronger, more resilient sense of self. 

They do not need as much validation from others. 

They realize that they have limits and flaws, and can laugh at these flaws, not taking slights personally. 

The deepest craving of human nature is the craving to be appreciated. 

Stop your incessant interior monologue and pay deeper attention to people. 

Attune yourself to the shifting moods of individuals and the group. 

Get a read in each person’s particular psychology and what motivates them. 

Try to take their perspective and their value system into account. 

1. Recognize your state of self-absorption and how little you observe. 
2. Understand the different nature of the second form of communication. It requires opening your senses and relating to people on the physical level. 

You must understand and accept the theatrical quality of life.

The wearing of masks is essential to smooth social functioning. 

You must not mistake people’s appearances for reality. 

P72-79 fascinating background/analysis on Milton Erickson. 

Mirroring physically and through comments that play off something they have said will reveal that you are listening to them and they will relax, allowing more nonverbal cues to leak out. 

Be attentive to:

• Microexpressions (quick flashes on the face of tension, or forced smiles)
• Voice (changes in pitch or pace of talking)
• Posture
• Hand Gestures
• Positioning of legs
• Tension
• Silences
• Breathing patterns 

In observing an individual over time, establish their baseline expression and mood. 

Ex. Animated and energetic or anxious 

Pay attention to the deviations. 

Pay attention in important situations. 

Ex. When someone is talking about a trip to an alluring place you know they are excited about. Note the looks of anticipation, how the eyes open wider and stay there, the face flushed and generally animated, a slight smile on their lips as they anticipate what’s to come. 

Remember the ambiguity in interpretation. Strive to subtract your personal preferences and judgements about people. 

If you are observing someone who reminds you of someone unpleasant in your past, you will tend to see almost any cue as unfriendly, when in reality it is not. 

People will leak out more of their true feelings when they are drunk, sleepy, frustrated, angry, or under stress. 

Disliking/liking cues:

People who feel positive emotions for you will display noticeable signs of relaxation in the facial muscles, particularly in the lines of the forehead and the area around the mouth; their lips will appear more fully exposed and the whole area around their eyes will widen. 

These are all involuntary expressions of comfort and openness. 

Dominance/submission cues:

We are generally uncomfortable when others talk about their superior rank. Instead, signs of dominance or weakness are most often expressed nonverbally. 

Confidence usually comes with a feeling of relaxation clearly reflected in the face and a greater freedom of movement. 

If you are powerful, you will feel allowed to look around more at others, choosing to make eye contact with whomever you please. 

Their eyelids are more closed (half-lidded), a sign of seriousness and competence. 

They often smile less, frequent smiling being a sign of overall insecurity. 

They feel more entitled to touch people, such as a pat on the arm or shoulder. 

They tend to take up more space and create more distance around themselves. 

Weak/anxious individuals will often blink more. 

They put on forced smiles and emit nervous laughs. 

They touch themselves, not others, in pacifying behavior—the hair, neck, or forehead. 

They may talk in an animated way, their hands remaining unusually still, a prominent sign of anxiety. 

Deception cues:

When they flash a large smile, look to detect tension in other parts of the body, around the eyes with little movement, unusually still.

If the eyes are trying to fool you with looks to garner sympathy, the mouth quivers slightly. 

These are signs of contrived behavior, trying too hard to control one part of the body. 

Master presence/absence. 

If you are too present, people will quickly grow bored with you. 

You must know how to selectively absent yourself, regulating how often and when you appear before others, making them want to see more of you, not less. 

“Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool that repeats his folly” 

People never do something just once. 

We are prone to repeat the same decisions and methods of dealing with problems. 

Character as a result of extroversion/introversion 

Extroverts are largely governed by external criteria. 

The question that dominates them is “What do others think of me?”

They value external things—good clothes, meals, enjoyment shared with others. 

They are comfortable with and actively search out noise/interaction. 

Introverts are largely interested in their own opinions/feelings. 

They love to theorize and come up with their own ideas. 

They do not like to promote their ideas and view promotion as distasteful. 

They like to keep a part of their life a secret from others, to have secrets. 

They can seem awkward, mistrustful, and uncomfortable with attention. 

They tend to be more pessimistic and worried. 

People can exhibit tendencies from both camps, but usually trend toward one or the other direction. 

Strong character stems from a mix of genetics, secure parenting, good mentors along the way, and constant improvement. 

People do not display this strength outwardly as aggression or smoothness, instead it manifests as overall resilience and adaptability. 

The strength emanates from a feeling of personal security and self worth that allows such people to take criticism and learn from their experiences. 

P121-127 Toxic types

For each weakness there is a corresponding strength. 

Actress Joan Crawford had the worst of childhoods. She directed her desperate need to be loved toward the camera itself, and the audiences could feel it. 

The film directors became her father figures whom she adored and treated with the utmost respect. 

She turned her pronounced hypersensitivity outward instead of inward, into active empathy. 

Beyond turning the existing negatives into positives, work to add, refine, or cultivate the traits that go into a strong character:

1. Resilience under pressure
2. Attention to detail
3. The ability to complete things 
4. The ability to work with a team
5. The ability to be tolerant of people’s differences

Grow through your habits. For example, deliberately take on tasks slightly above your level. Place yourself in stressful situations to get used to them. In boring everyday tasks, cultivate patience and attention to detail. Occasionally shake yourself up, trying out some new strategy, way of thinking, or activity to develop some flexibility. 

Don’t let yourself be a slave to the character created by your earliest years and its compulsive behavior. Work on it. 

One illicit desire almost all people desire is voyeurism: to peek inside the private lives of others. 

You can incorporate this into your work by giving the impression that you are revealing secrets that should not be shared. 

Some will be outraged but all will be curious. 

These could be secrets about yourself and how you accomplished what you did, or it could be about others, what happens behind the closed doors of powerful people and the laws they operate by. 

Offer new, unfamiliar, exotic to create a covetous pull. 

Cultivate your supreme desire for novelty into connecting more deeply with your environment. 

Don’t entertain exotic fantasies or ideas which aren’t grounded in reality, instead covet a deeper relationship to reality. 

It will bring you calmness, focus, and the power to alter what is possible to alter. 

Interesting: Sir Isaac Newton, the paragon of rationality got drawn into investing in the South Sea Bubble twice. 

Influence over people and the power that it brings are gained in the opposite way from what you imagined. 

Normally we try to charm people with our own ideas, showing ourselves off in the best light, hyping our past accomplishments. 

Instead:

Put the focus on others. Let them do the talking. 

Let them be the stars of the show. 

Such attention is so rare in this world, and people are so hungry for it, that giving them such validations will lower their defenses and open their minds to whatever ideas you want to implant. 

Your first move should always be to step back and assume the inferior position in relation to the other. 

Make it subtle. Ask for their advice.

Once you feel that they are addicted to this attention, you can initiate a cycle of favors by doing something small for them, which saves them time or effort. 

Once people do favors for you, they will continue to work on your behalf. 

5 steps to being a master persuader:

1. Transform yourself into a deep listener

Always listen deeply, remember you can learn about new lives and experiences. You can learn the origins and nature of fool’s flaws. You must be absorbed in what they say but relaxed too. 

2. Infect people with the proper mood. 

As social animals, we are susceptible to the moods of other people. If you are relaxed and anticipating a pleasurable experience, this will communicate itself and have a mirror-like effect on the other person. Adopt an attitude of complete indulgence; you accept people as they are. Feel excited for any reason—you know you can learn something new, you think they are good-looking, or you have common interests. 

3. Confirm their self-opinion. 

Ex. Confirm their intelligence when they delineate an argument. 

Try to praise hard work, not just talent. 

4. Allay their insecurities 

Don’t find awful qualities. Don’t tell them they’re good at basketball if you both know they’re awful. 

Find the uncertainty. If they imagine that perhaps they are not so bad at writing, then flattery can work wonders. 

5. Use people’s resistance and stubbornness. 

Use people’s words back on them. How can they not follow what you suggest when it is exactly the words they have just used? (198)

Remember: When people are rigid in their opposition to something, it comes from a deep fear of change and the uncertainty it could bring. 

An ideal mind retains the flexibility of youth along with the reasoning powers of an adult. 

You, like everyone else, have a dark side, one that you loathe to admit or examine. 

It contains your deepest insecurities, your secret desires to hurt, your hunger for more attention and power. 

It leaks out in moments of inexplicable depression, touchy moods, sudden neediness, and offhand comments you later regret. 

Carl Jung calls this the Shadow: all the qualities people try to deny about themselves and repress. 

People who feel envy are often motivated to be your friend. 

They feel a mix of genuine interest, attraction, and envy. 

By becoming your friend, they can disguise the envy to themselves, but proximity exacerbates the problem. 

By then, they will know your weak points and how to hurt you. 

When we fall in love we tend to fall in love with our own anima—the characteristics of the opposite sex which we’ve repressed in ourselves since a young age. 

Because we are not relating to the actual woman, but rather to the projection of the anima, we will feel disappointed, as if they are to blame for not being what we imagined. 

The relationship tends to fall apart due to miscommunications. 

2 pertinent anima:

The Woman to Worship Him—a woman who is attentive to him, warm, engaging. He feels overwhelmingly drawn to her and her energy. As the relationship develops, she no longer seems so nice and attentive. The man becomes angry and feels deceived. 

This male projection comes from a mother who adores her son and showers him with attention. He chooses a certain type of woman to pursue and subtly positions her to play the mother role—comfort and pump up his ego. 

Any ensuing breakup will be very painful to the man because he has invested energy from his earliest years and will feel a profound sense of abandonment. 

If the relationship is successful, he may feel resentment at his dependency on her, the same dependency and ambivalence he felt toward his mother. He may sabotage the relationship or withdraw. 

Antidote: he must withdraw from time to time and be satisfied with his accomplishments. He needs to care for himself. He should give more, instead of waiting to be adored and taken care of. 

The Fallen Woman—Men of this type had strong mother figures in their childhood. Consciously they are drawn to well-educated women. Unconsciously they are attracted to women who are imperfect and of dubious character. 

They want the perfect mother figure for a wife but feel a much stronger physical attraction to the whore, the Fallen Woman, the type who likes to display their body.

They have repressed their playful, sensual, earthy sides and are too rigid and civilized. 

They tell themselves they want to help the woman. But they are really attracted to the danger and naughty pleasures they promise. Underestimating their strength, they often end up as their pawns. 

Men who engage in this type or projection need to move outside of their comfort zone and try new experiences. A bit of danger and challenge will loosen them up. 

They can begin to satisfy their urged by developing the physical side of their character and actively initiating their guilty pleasures instead of passively waiting for the Fallen Woman to indulge them. 

Interesting: in the myths of many ancient cultures—Persian, Hebrew, Greek, Egyptian—original humans were believed to be both male and female; this made them so powerful that the gods feared them and split them in half. 

Understand: by relating more to the masculine or feminine parts within you, you will unleash energy that has been repressed; your mind will recover its natural fluidity; you will feel secure in who you are. 

Beware the pitfalls of masculine thinking. 

Men’s sense of self is deeply tied to their success, because of this they tend to look outward and find other people or circumstances to blame. 

When they succeed, they don’t take into consideration the role of luck and the help of others. 

Experimenting with the skills and options relating to your personality and inclinations is not only the single most essential step in developing a high sense of purpose, it is perhaps the most important step in life in general. 

P378-395 very interesting on purpose.